I'm ALIVE! But not without new dramas to whine about

Well... I'm alive. I made it. And believe it or not - regretfully I have no high drama to report!
We were surprisingly, I can hardly believe it myself, shockingly, abnormally (for us) NORMAL.
The first night we got there my father in law bought me a bottle of wine! Aah he's worked out the key to my heart! Alas it was lambrusco sweet stuff - but NO MATTER I am not so heartless as to not appreciate the gesture.
It pretty much stayed good from then on. There was a wobbly moment when my sister in law asked if my dress was supposed to have straps (!) BUT I got past it. I didn't snap. Didn't even bite. I must be maturing. Well, maybe. If I was mature I suppose I wouldn't have had a bit too much wine and orange at the reception and danced like a dork.

Ah me.

BUT I am not completely without drama. I must vent. Now don't get me wrong, I have some truly excellent friends. I do. They often come through for me - especially last birthday - that was great! BUT sometimes it seems that they conspire to irritate me.
Now we didn't get back form our mini-holiday until late last night. They knew this. This morning found my house with dirty clothes, suitcases, crap souvenirs and assorted other piles strewn from one end to the other. And after a solid diet of alcohol and oily petrol station food, husband and I were having a sleep-in. The kids were rediscovering their love for the Playstation - having been away from it for gosh -four days.
Anyway, 9 am. the phone rings. 'Sorry did I wake you? Can you look after my kids today at 11? Just for a couple of hours?'
Yep. No worries. It's the Mr Mum from school and he's nice - fixed my computer on a number of occasions AND helped me with my radio assignment last year (he went to some prestigious radio school) so I owe him. I got a high distinction for the assignment.
I lie there mentally calculating how little food there is in the house. Enough milk for hubby and I to have a coffee and make the kids cereal? Yep. But not enough for friend No.2 and her two kids who pop in just as I'm leaving to go the shops. They stay and stay and stay - 2 cuppas and then friend No.3 rings to find out now wedding was, and is a little put-out to discover friend 2 there and she has not been invited too. Aaargh - friendship politics.
'Maybe I'll come around too' she says. Did I mention that the two little girls from next door are here at this stage? Yep. So there's currently 7 kids in my house. Playing nicely admittedly. If friend 3 comes that will make 10 kids and NO FOOD. And I missed church Sunday so it's not likely I'm gonna be able to pull a loaves and fishes miracle.
'Yes of course you can come over' I say to friend 3 (what else could I say?)
She wants to know how long friend 2 is staying. The answer? 'Half an hour'. HALF AN HOUR?? Dammit. She's already stayed awhile. 'Oh' says friend 3 'we're still in our pjs' Lucky you I think. She wants me to say - 'that's ok just come when you're ready' - but I can't. It'll turn into an all day thing - and I'm not up for it.
Also, hubby is looking at me aghast. He's taken the day off specially from work (he has his own business) so that we can veg, relax, and do the whole holiday recovery thing.
So then friend number 1 arrives, drops off his (admittedly adorable) children.
Are you exhausted yet? I was too.
Friend 2 leaves. I drive off to the shops for desperately needed supplies, leaving hubby with 7 CHILDREN!
When I get back from hunter-gathering I have just unpacked the bag with the tampons in it (sorry to male readers) when friend 1 arrives. Hubby frantically stashes tampons into knife and fork draw - where actually they remain now - and he settles in for a cuppa and a chat - til 3.30. We get into a bit of a tiff when he brings up the death penalty. This is no mere idle chit chat. He's for, I'm against. But he doesn't hold it against me.
As we are waving him goodbye, my girls announce that they are going to play at the neighbours.

Phew.
So that was my day. So. This is what I think. Did you hear that Australia's PM Kevin Rudd convened a summit - he called it the 2020 Summit - that was basically a talkfest to generate new ideas for Australi'as future? They discussed environmental issues, taxation etc. ANYWAY - stay with me, I promise I'm not getting political - I reckon there needs to be a similar summit for 21st century etiquette. All those unwritten rules that aren't carved in stone, but really ought to be...
Like not arriving uninvited at someone's house who has just gotten home from holiday.
And stop tricking your neighbours by putting out your recycling bin when it's not the recycling fortnight - I fall for this one all the time. Sometimes I think the neighbours are just having a laugh!
And not answering your mobile phone in the movies. This should attract an automatic expulsion. And for all you uni students out there - not in a lecture either - no call is THAT important.
No use of the word 'ironical'
Flush the toilet.
Don't tell people when you have diarrhoea. NOONE WANTS TO KNOW!
Don't lick your fingers to turn the pages of books - its unecessary. If it won't turn, keep trying!
No going to closed-in unventilated places when you are clearly full of the cold - and don't send your sick kids to school either thankyou very much!
No sending the results of your children's sporting achievements - no kidding I once got an email from someone with their kids swimming lap times! I did not reply.

It's late - but I'm sure there are many more. If I think of them I will post - or feel free to add your own!

Goodnight - tomorrow we are going on a picnic to the beach. Lovely. School holidays go too fast.

Oh - and one more thing - I realise that ALL parents think their children are brilliant - but how's this? Miss 5 asked me where she was when I was a kid!