Cinema Rules

Yesterday I went to see Mamma Mia for the second time and it was RUINED AGAIN by some tragic woman who sat next to me who decided to treat me to her singing EVERY song in the movie.
The first time I went I was seated next to a friend of a friend who sang all the songs - I gave her 'the look' but it made no difference. I knew she was having marital troubles (who isn't though?) and thought 'oh well I'll just go and see it again' because I couldn't really get into the movie because of her singing.
But again. This time a complete stranger. I'd like to know what the thought process is. Do they believe that they truly have a brilliant voice that those around them would rather hear them than the actors they have PAID to see? If so that is sheer arrogance.
Or are they that self absorbed that they want to sing and don't give a rats about anyone else?? Or has noone told them that it is not the done thing in a cinema? If they are truthfully that ignorant then surely they would have realised that noone else was singing.
Or do they think we are impressed that they know all the words? EVERYONE KNOWS all the words to Abba. It's true. Even my husband who hates Abba (I know sacriledge) knows all the words to Mamma Mia.
Also to the old man who sat behind me and made 'smart' (in his mind) comments the whole way through the movie ( a la George Costanza ) NOONE cares what you think. You ruined it for everybody. We want to enter in to the imaginary world of the movie that we have paid to see, not listen to your stupid comments about what is or isn't funny, or where you have seen that actress before. JUST SHUT UP.
And people: please, the ads go on for ages and ages. The previews go on for ages and ages. WHY do you wait until the quiet bit at the start of the movie to open your crinkly wrapper?? And why does it take you so long to open a wrapper? It is not that hard. Open it and off. That's all. Why does it take you minutes? Are you folding the crinkly wrapper? It sounds like it. If so you are a complete idiot.
I say this every time I go to the movies - that there needs to be a list, a cinema-going list which explains to all buttheads out there how to behave in a movie.

1 Do not allow your child go to a movie that is rated M. All the people in the movie are looking at you and thinking you are a crap parent. Take them to a G or PG - if not get a babysitter.

2. Open crinkly wrappers in the previews. It's not hard.

3. NO TALKING. You can talk in the ads. You can talk in the previews - but after that SHUT THE HELL UP.

4. Turn off your damn mobile phone. And don't send messages in silent mode. That bright light is distracting everyone around you and they think you're a knob.

5. In a kids movie do not allow your child to run up and down the stairs. It is annoying and distracting for those of us who have bothered to discipline our children. If your kids do this, they are not ready for the cinema yet. Take them to a park.

6. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT come to the cinema with a cold. Or a cough. Or sniffles. Everyone in the cinema will want to kill you.

That's all I can think of right now - if you can think of anymore let me know.

I feel like printing these off and handing them out outside my local cinema!